Monthly Archives: March 2007

Success!

 I did it!
 
I allowed myself one bye, which I realised I was saying at the u part, and then managed to keep cuss free until I went to bed at 12.30am this morning!
 
Well done ME! 
*****
However, this morning, because of the soon to be fabulous weather, & the possiblilty of riding my motorbike a lot, I decided to put my tinted visor on my Arai helmet.
 
Arai have spent a fortune on a quick release & replacement visor system which works great ..apparently… and only if you work for Arai.( they use this system in races where speed is of the essence! )
 
It took me bastard 50 minutes to replace the fucking thing, causing me to forget any kind of no swearing extension & also for me to utter many fucks, wankers,and one or 2 c**ts at the top of my voice, while promising to tell the entire world what a load of shit Arai were , and how they could stick their fucking helmets up their arses," fuck ’em I’m going to have a Shoei next, the visor release system is much better.. wankers!"
 
I got so angry I nearly blew a gasket, the old growler went to hide in a corner of the room in her basket, and I nearly threw the tosser out of the window, ( the helmet , not the old growler! )
 
Happily for all concerned, the Tv, the window,Mrs. Dog, and the aforementioned Arai helmet, I managed to get the visor on, and working properly, and peace & quiet has now returned to Dog Towers, with my my blood presure & heart rate  returning  to normal.
 
Now All it needs is for the weather to stay good.
 
Ranting over, I really must put that one on Lords blog of 1000 things that piss him off.
 
Now I’m off to finish laying the floor in my loft, a DIYing saga of biblical proportions!
 
Have a good weekend all!!
 
 
 
 An Arai helmet ( like mine )
 
 
Tinted Visor
(note "quick release" tabs )
 
 
 

So Near and Yet so Far

 I can’t believe it!
 
All day yesterday no swearing ( though it was close on a few occasions) , I got home & was talking to the old growler about something when the first f***ing slyly slipped out of my trap.
I realised when I got to the n bit, but she hadn’t heard, so I thought I might get away with it, and it wasn’t a whole word, so i wouldn’t count.. would it?
 
That was at 20.45 hrs.
 
Avoiding any situations which could cause a further  momentary slip of the tongue, I cycled 5 miles on my exercise bike ( 200 calories ) , went up and had a shower, then tucked into my dinner, whilst watching the tv.
 
 There are some interesting programmes on Sky if you can be bothered to look for them, one in particular last night called The Lost Evidence on the History Channel I believe, which was about the Battle of Stalingrad in 1942 between the German 6th Army & the Russians.
To cut a long story short, and stating the obvious, after a long hard fought battle, the germans lost, and surrendered on Feb 2nd 1943  with over 91,000 men being taken prisoner.
 
Of the 91,000 only 6,000 made it back home, many very ill, and broken physically & mentally,with the pictures of some of these sad individuals forcing the comment from me at 22.43 hrs approx.
 
" Don’t talk to me about how the f***ing germans treated their pow’s, the russians were just as bad, and treated this lot like s**t "…….
 
ARRRGH!!!!
 
943 minutes of effort gone straight out of the window.
 
Now I’ve got to do it all again today
 
As a postcript to this sad & sorry tale of expletives & their usage, rather like a reformed smoker and their attitudes to fags,I have started to notice just how much people do swear in ther day to day lives, me included…. is that a comment on me & the people I know & work with, or on society and its language in general?
 
I will let you know how I get on today, but this time I think I will probably..no definitely manage it.
 
Mind you 2 F**ks & one s**t all day isn’t bad!!
 
Have a great weekend all, me…. well I shall be finishing off the long running saga known a my loft this weekend, thank god for that, as I have HAD ENOUGH!!
 
Enjoy the sun….. hopefully!
 
 

Today’s the day!

Today IS the day.
 
At the start of the year, I made 3 new years resolutions, lose weight, wear everything in my wardrobe at least once this year, and to have a day of no swearing.
 
Aha, I hear you say, that should be easy enough… well not so Moriarty,as this has proven to be a very hard resolution to try to keep, not because I am a foul mouthed fellow,but as previously explained I work in mainly male environment where expletives and their use are the norm.
 
Plus, I have to drive about 20 miles to work every morning, with varying traffic conditions, including driving up the M6, Englands worse accident spot, and some of the ridiculous driving I see causes me to spontaneously combust with incandescent rage, and quite without thinking out pops some kind of profanetic comment, usually beginning with f or you c …and accompanied with much blasting of horns & 2 fingers being stuck up!
 
However, this morning, for a change, I had no occasion to abuse anyone & had a serene journey to work.
The realisation that I had actually made it here, sans swearing, have made me decide that today IS the day, and I am going to try to go the whole day without swearing!!
 
I have informed the old growler of my intentions… & after I picked her up off the floor & gave her a drink of water to cure her laughing fit, her only comment was " you’ve got no chance! "
 
I happen to agree with her as it happens but I’m going to give it my best shot.
 
I will update this blog through out the day……. it is now 10.30am Thursday 29.3.07 GMT, 180 minutes into my day……
 
bring it on dudes!
 
Update News
12.37 pm
 
337 mins and counting…. though there have been some narrow escapes…does arse count as a swear word?
 
13.27 hrs
 
357 minutes in…
Phew that was close, I nearly said the F word and called somebody a W*ker!!
This is proving very hard.
 
 
18.30 hrs
 
660 minutes in…. still going strong….
The folks here at work think I’m ill as I haven’t been speaking very much! 
Happily we are are here until 20.00 hrs
 
 
 

Silence is Golden

( that’s going to sting like billyo when it comes off! )

 

                         
 

Brilliant!!

 Absolutely Brilliant!!
 
No, I’m not talking about that tosser Mr. G. Brown ( PM in waiting  ) and his shite budget, I’m talking about the popular beat combo known as…
 
 
Faithless
 
 
Sister Bliss & Maxi Jazz
 
who we went to see at the NIA in Birmingham on Wednesday night, and they were absolutely fantastic.
 
Before we went in to the venue, we decided to go for a drink in Brindley Place,down by the canals,and  apart from being VERY COLD walking to & fro , it was very nice down there, very picturesque.
 
 
 
 It must be the dogs bollocks there in the summer!
 
As an aside here, we don’t go up town very often, and I hadn’t realised how nice the place is starting to become, a lot of money has been spent improving the city centre area over the last few years, and I have to say, its nice to see that some of MY money is being put to good use.
 
Arriving at the NIA early, gave us plenty of time to look around at the various pieces of merchandise available for purchase,which ranged from a programme for £10 to hoodies for about £30.. ouch.
However, they did have available a double cd of THAT  nights performance.. What a fantastic piece of marketing… go and watch the gig, wait for a quiet bit in a song,( which with Faithless isn’t very many ! ), then shout " WALLY " at the top of your voice, and there you are, immortalised for ever on a double cd of a concert that YOU were at!
 
A fifteen stretch later saw me clutching a receipt marked paid, and the instructions to
" come back here about 15 mins after the concert has finished to collect your cd "
As there was only supposed to be 1000 copies that night , I wasn’t too bothered at the prospect of waiting a few minutes.
However judging from the size of the bastard queue for the cds, I suspect there might have been a few more available!
 
I digress….
 
We made our way to our seats, which were right at the back, but quite high up, so we had a great view of the stage,if not a little far away, and waited for the gig to commence.
 
They were supported by Calvin Harris, who is a sort of cross between heavy metal megadeath stylee and mainstream pop, and is of note at the moment with the effort,
 " Acceptable in the 80’s " , which is not really representative of the set that was played.
 
Unfotunately most of the stuff wasn’t very good in my opinion and as we were there to see Faithless, ….well sorry son…. NEXT PLEASE!
 
The curtain went up, a crescendo of noise burst forth from the speakers, and they they were, in the flesh.
Sister Bliss, Rollo and the lyrical waxer, Maxi Jazz.
 
The music was superb, mixing a lot of old material with songs from the latest album, To All New Arrivals, accompanied by a light show to wet your pants to!
 
Particular highlights were Insomnia, God is a DJ, Mass Destruction, and  We Come One, in fact , there wasn’t a shit tune amongst them.
 
All to soon , it was  
" Thank you Birmingham, you’ve been great ! "
 
and an hour and a half had passed… where had that gone?
 
Happily they came back on to do a 3 song encore, finishing with Salva Mea which is an absolutely brilliant song, and fair nearly made me come in my pants!
 
The lights came on, curtains came down, and it was time to collect our cd, which fully justified its £15 price tag, and is great.
 
Was it worth it?
 
YES YES and thrice YES!
 
Would we go again?
 
Unquestionably and definitely yes, if Faithless are touring by you, get yourself post haste to the ticket office, armed with  credit card, and get yourself some tickets, because I guarantee you will enjoy it.
 
The only problem is I appear to be as deaf as a post, as it was FUCKING LOUD!!!, and I have been going around ignoring people, and shouting a lot.
 
EH"!… No Twenty to Five… WHAT???
 
Have a nice weekend all!!!
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 God IS a dj !
 
 
 
check it out!
 
 

Kitted out!… and Skint

 
 Well hello fellow bloggers!
I have returned from the Dive show in  dat landan, home of the chirpy cockney, and am now counting the cost of the weekend.
 
Ay Caramba!!!
I have managed to spend a facking fortune!!……actually its not as bad as it sounds, because I had already planned for some of this expense, and I did know it was coming.
 
We had quite a good journey down to the smoke to my brothers place in Wandsworth with no delays, taking about two and a half hours door to door.
 
When we got there my brothers girlfriend had cooked us up a gourmet dinner of chicken and pancetta smothered with mozzeralla cheese with trimmings & carrot cake for afters.
I don’t remember having eaten this particular pudding type delicacy before, & I couldn’t really taste the carrots either, but it was very nice. 
 
Morning saw us up relatively early for breakfast, ( I was starting to feel a bit full by this time ) and off to ExCel in the docklands.
 
According to the RAC route map even with high traffic this journey round the south circular should only have 40minutes… 2 hours later we were just pulling up at Excel!!
 
We then had to queue for 20mins  to pay for parking (£8!!)
What a shit operation, why we couldn’t just buy a ticket on the way out, god only knows.
It just shows how well the NEC is organised, no such problems there!!
 
Anyway….
We had arranged to meet Colin at 11.15..no chance… so by the time we got to the entrance at 12.00 he was well in, so the wonderful device called a mobile phone was employed.
Except for some reason his fucking phone was turned off!!
Arseholes , I was thinking, ( as Col had got a voucher to get in cheap guv), looks like we are going to have to cough full cash, so I asked the security man if there was
"any possiblilty of putting a tannoy message out, as the man who has got our tickets was already in, and wasn’t answering his phone "
" No problems " said the guard, " Just go straight in"…..
Bugger me backwards!!
Free entrance…result!!
 
Thats where the serious purchasing stuff started! 
 
6 hours later..( I  might not indulge in the sport of retail therapy often, but when I do,I  go for it big time ! ) the spending frenzy was over, my pockets empty,my  credit card was complaining of over use, and I had managed to spend shitloads . 
 
Double facking hell!
BUT..
I had managed to get some real bargains,
a set of pool fins for £19, a mediterranean fish id card £ 5.95, & a head band for my mask.
ALSO..( bargain of the day ) a Mares Vector Chrome BCD, a Mares Rebel MR12 First stage and regulator, a Mares Rebel octopus, and a two guage console all for …..
 
£315
 
 

   
 Vector Chrome bcd  
        

   mares MR 12 reg   
    

Mares Rebel Octopus
 
 
Now thats a bargain!!… only problem is , I haven’t got any idea of how and where to put the regs together, so it looks like a trip me old chums at Hidden Diving for some help, plus apparently I need to get them tested to make sure they are ok.
 
i also needed a new wet suit, due to my new hard earned slim(mer) silhouette, and got talked into a very nice ( but very expensive ) Aqualung balance comfort 5.5mm semi dry, down to £110 from £ 190, by the lovely Sally at Robin Hood  Watersports, who put up with me trying on the suits and arseing  for about 2 hours on & off, before I finally bit the bullet and coughed up!
 

 Aqualung suit, modelled by me & Mrs. Dog.. not really
 
 
The mathematicians amongst you might have added all the figures up… ouch… thank god for credit cards.
I have been saving for this stuff for some time, so the blow isn’t going to be too terrible, but oh dear…. !
 
Time to go, goodbyes said, we had decided that in the interest of a nights sleep, and the thought of a 5.30am start the next morning, we would go straight home from the show,so off we hurried (  traffic was still shit) to the m25 then up the M1 to Brum.
 
It was when I saw the signs for Bromley that it dawned on me, that perhaps, just perhaps, we might have been going the wrong way, a hypothesis comfirmed by a sign saying Heathrow 34 miles.
 
Wankers!!
 
What a tit! plus it put another hour on the journey….. I shan’t do that again I can tell you. 
Thicky provincials thick!
 
Upon our eventual arrival home, the obligatory take out curry was consumed, then it was off to bed, spent out & knackered dreaming of the next days loft shelving activities.
 
It just never stops sometimes does it?
I must have been born on a Friday! ( actually I wasn’t, apparently it was a saturday )
 
Take it easy folks,have a great week and I will see you all soon!
 
 
ps. I saw the most perfect apparel for me & the old growler whilst at the show..
a complete range of t shirts called…seadog!!
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
Available from Ocean Images Bolton.
 
 pps. Still haven’t worked out the music video stuff and to be honest I’m getting pissed off trying, so I might go with another idea…….
Keep it real sweetstuff! 

Dive Dive Dive!

 Hello all,
looks like I have got a very busy & expensive ( possibly ) weekend coming up.
 
Its off to dat landan to go the LIDS dive show at ExCel in the docklands tomorrow, so we are taking ourselves off to the big town tonight to  stay with my brother & his girlfriend overnight, so that we dont have to drive for MILES & MILES on one day, and I wont be completely knackered!!
 
We are going to meet up with my Jedi Dive master,Colin, parade around the show talking about diving,generally ponce about for 6 hours,and peruse the diving type goodies on sale.
 
This is where it could become expensive, for you can pick up some proper bargains at these shows , bargains that can tempt the coins of the realm from your pocket with consumate ease!
 
I am at the stage ( diving wise ) where if I want to progress any further, I really ought to be buying my own kit.
I already have mask, fins, wet suit, weight belt, snorkel, dive watch, dive computer, torch, compass, digital camera,under water housing ofor the camera…. facking hell,  I didn’t realise I had that much stuff….. but I need to add to this list a BCD ( bouyancy compensating device – flotation jacket ), and a set of regulators.
 

   a bcd
 
 
Regulators
 
These thing don’t come cheap, £ 200 for the bcd approx & at least the same for the regs.
 
Double facking hell !!
 
At least with Colin there, as a Idc staff instructor ( VERY VERY Qualified and experienced diver ), I will get the best unbiased advice on what to get.
 
Then its either,
 
Back home on Saturday night, tired out from a spending frenzy, for a possible takeaway curry ( chicken madras, with keema and peas piau rice for me, chicken dupiaza, and a peshwari naan for the old growler- another 20 stretch! ), maybe a glass of wine for a change, inspect our purchases and then bed.
 
OR
 
I stay down that london at my brothers, have a night out,
then get up at 5.30am  and drive straight to work ( 9.00am – 1 pm on sundays, what a ball ache! )
 
I’ll make THAT decision tomorrow.
 
Sunday looks like a repeat of 2 weeks ago, as my loft project has come to a staggering halt due to the constraint of time , materials , and the fact that  my loft is stuffed with shit that has been hanging around for years ( stuff that Mrs . Dog wants me to chuck, and I don’t!), and I can’t move up there.
I have already put up a load of shelves but now need to put up another 4 to alleviate to crowded floor space.
This will then enable me to lay ( snick snick ) a floor in the loft, upon which I  will be able to store even more shit!! 
 
I’ll let you know what went down dudes, hopefully monday.
 
If I dont manage to get round today, have a great weekend all!
 
See you soon
 
ps. I have spent absolutley bastard hours trying to compress a music video to put on here, so that it auto plays, and streams in with out having to download the whole track, and without going into a shit load of technical details,
 
 
It won’t fucking work!!!
 
So if anyone knows how to to do this, and would like to share and give advice, there is an Olde Seadog that would be eternally grateful!
 
Luv Ya xxx
 
 
 
 

 

Meat is Murder ?

There I am last night, sitting in front of my tv, having just enjoyed a beautiful rump steak, (cooked by ME I might add- just to give the old growler a bit of a rest, and to allow her to do some more studying ), partaking in a glass of wine, when up pops this televisual treat called
 
Kill it, Cook it, Eat it. 
 
hmm says I, I wonder what this is about… the clue was in the title really.
 
For those that didn’t see it, it was about the process of meat production, from the live animal going  "mooo " to the finished article being popped on a plate and a consumer  going " mmm ".
 
 
A cow today
 
 
 
Raw Fillet
 
 
Fillet Mignon.. yum yum!
 
 
I’m not quite sure what the aim of the programme was, or is, as there are more of these progs to follow, for meat eaters it wouldn’t make any difference, and veggies aren’t going to change their minds whatever or however it is presented to them.
 
The prog took us through the journey of the animal from start to finish, from the bolt gun in the head ( not quite as bad as I thought it was going to be ) through the blood letting, skinning, and removal of the head and internal organs ( which was as bad as I expected )
 
The deceased and prepped up animal, was then butchered and served up to a posse of invited " guests " from all walks of life, ranging from some who really didn’t give a toss where the meat came from, to others who were in tears as such senseless slaughter, and really were regretting accepting the invitation.
 
 
It certainly didn’t change MY mind, although some of the scenes were quite graphic, and also a little sad for the poor moo cow that was about to be murdered.
 
I’m not so sure of my resolve if i had actually been there, it was ok sitting at home watching tv, but to experience the noise & smells….. not sure at all.
 
I have only once had  " fresh food " that was walking around immediately before I ate the said critter, and that was lobster.
 
I was at a restaurant, and " fresh lobster " was on the menu, and as I wasn’t paying, ( business meeting – courtesy of a large multi national corporation ), I thought " sod it , I’ll try this ".
 
What I most certainly not expecting was for the poor old giant prawn to be swimming around in a fish tank, looking blue – literally – hiding his eyes with his claws, saying
" lobsters ? you don’t see many of those! "
 
I pointed my finger in the general direction of the tank, and said  " I’ll have that one ", upon which I heard a muffled fishy exclamation " BOLLOCKS! " from the tank.
 
45 minutes later I was tucking into my tasty friend, but I have to be honest here, I didn’t feel quite right about it, yes he was delicious, but praying at the back of my mind, was the expression on his chops when he got picked.
 
I have had lobster since, and very tasty it has been, but I prefer not to think about what happened to it before it got to me.
 
 
A Lobster..
Who the fuck would want to eat this?
 
 
Similarly steaks and roast beef dinners, very nice on my plate & in my tum thanks, but that will do.
If ever there is a world war, and we have to live off the land, I will be fucked.
 
On that thought provoking note I leave you, have a great day & week ahead to all
 
Oh …..dont forget, there’s lamb and chickens on this programme as well… that could put you off chicken zingers for the rest of your life!!
 
Take it easy all!!