Monthly Archives: September 2011

Tears

11 weeks

Tears on my cheeks

They dry in the sun

Still, life is no fun….

The tears still come

My mind is numb

I remember your smile

It helps for a while….

77 days

Life’s still a haze

The memories still fresh

As they all intermesh….

My heart is black

As I look back

11 weeks

With tears on my cheeks

xxxxxxx

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Weeks to Months

Christmas 2003

Has it really been 10 weeks Mum

Since you left us here?

My thoughts are with you constantly

It’s as though I fear

That one day I will forget you

And all that I once held dear

Now at last we have a place to go,

to talk, to listen, to just be near

to be there in those stressful times

when our minds we need to clear

Reunited in heaven and now on earth

Together at last with Dad and Gran

R.I.P. my loves

All my love always

xxxxxxxx

9 weeks on

Mum,

63 days…

1512 hours….

90720 minutes….

5443200  seconds…

Numbers on a page

That I can’t gauge

9 weeks today

You went away

And on everyone of those so sad days

I’ve missed you more than words can say

Always in my thoughts

Forever in my heart

All my love, always

My mum xxx

Birthday Milestone

Happy Birthday Mum! 

Mum on her 80th birthday
Mum on her 80th Birthday- 12th September 2010

Today 12th September  is my mums birthday… She would have been 81 today if she had made it, poor old badger.

It is a major milestone in my life, in fact all our lives.

The first big occasion since she died, getting through today is the start of many many more milestones that will have to be passed before any kind of normality can be regained.

Happy Birthday my lovely Mum! Taken on her birthday last year.. probably the last time she was really happy and felt up to it

I wish you were here now so that I could wish you

Happy Birthday!

in person my love,and tell you how much I love and miss you but sadly I can’t  and never will be able to again.

Happy Birthday Mum 81 today !  

With all my love and best wishes

Now forever and always

You will always be in my thoughts and my heart

I will never forget all that you did for me Mum

50 years ago

All my love always - it's a two way thing, until we meet again my love xxx

8 Weeks

8 weeks now, to the day, since my mum died.

 

8.15pm Thursday 14th July 2011.

 

And during those 8 weeks there isn’t a day when I haven’t cried… sometimes only a little bit, sometimes floods and floods of inconsolable tears of grief and longing to see her again, feel her touch or hear her voice for real just one last time.

 

I’ve been thinking about her all the time – in fact I can’t stop thinking about her, her last days at home on her own.

Did she know we weren’t there and did she miss us…. I was always there for her when she needed me, and vice versa, but at THE time when she really really needed me, I was 3000 miles away. I hope she didn’t think that I had deserted her in her time of need…..I miss her so so much… If only, if only…..

 

However

Life goes on… sometimes whether we like it or not, and now we have to face the practicalities of  life without her.

She has a 5 bedroom house which has got to be sold. It’s full of things, things that were her life for 80+ years, which all need to be cleared out so that the house can be sold – I would buy it if I could, but sadly it is well out of my price range.

There are things there from my Dad, from my Dads mum, from my Mums mum, indeed things from all our lives.

Our family has lived there since 1964 approximately, now it’ s got to go. We will try to split some of the things up between us, but things like clothes, shoes, blankets, crockery and cutlery, will all have to go…. to “ the “ charity shop.

Eveything else that we cant take / don’t want and that doesn’t go to “ the “ charity shop will have to be disposed of…. I can’t bear to think of my mums life and her possessions being thrown away in a skip like her life meant nothing. She was MY MUM / our mum, there has got to be some sensitivity here. She was a formidable woman who left her mark on so many people and places, soon to be just memories in our minds.

This is going to cause arguments, I can understand the logic, but I can’t be part of it. It will be almost as bad a losing mum again…….I’m afraid that part of this process  I’m going to have to leave to other members of my family.

Time to say goodbye…

 

 We’ve finally arranged for her internment, along with my Dad, and my Gran – Mums mum – on the 19th of September at 12.00. The plot is picked, arrangements made, let’s hope for some nice weather, so that they can be laid to rest in the sunshine… they would all have liked that.

This coming Monday (12 th September ) is her birthday.

She would have been 81 if she had made it.

 

Forever in my heart and my thoughts

My Mum.. All my love always xxxx