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My Dad – Reprise and Retrospection

In light of  all that has happened this year, with the loss of my mum, forgive me for reposting this entry, albeit in a slightly different form.

It was valid when I originally wrote it, and upon re reading it last night, I’ve found the post to be even more poignant now.

Dad

Today is his birthday.

Born in 1932 , that makes him 79 today…. well it would if he was still here.

Unfortunately he died in 1981,  after  that old cliche,  a short illness..

And it was short.

Taken ill  just before Fathers day ( ironic isn’t it ), to dead July 12th. He was only 48

Cancer, of the brain, a brain tumour, a nasty insidious evil way for anyone to die.

In less than 2 weeks I had lost my hero , my friend , my dad.

1981 was a strange time for all of us.

My mum and dad had temporaily separated, though it was looking permanent at the time.

Dad had bought himself a flat not far away from the  ” family ” domicile, and was struggling with the demands, both emotional and financial of the family, and of holding his career together, trying to see as much of us as possible, but without pressurising us into choices.

He had suffered from a slight paralysis of one side in early June, which the doctors thought was possilby a reaction to the stress of his personal life.

Wrong.

He was scheduled to have tests the week after Fathers Day, and I remember him going to a hospital in Northampton, where some clever and enterprising young intern suggested that this was not  ” Hysterical Paralysis “, but had all the halllmarks of  a brain tumour, and that he should be tested straight away.

They took him to the neurological hospital not far from here for the tests, and I went to see him on the Sunday.

I hadn’t seen him for a week before that and I was devastated.

He looked like an old tramp, it was shocking, this dapper , educated , sophisticated , proud, professional man …., they hadn’t even bothered to shave or wash him.

We got that sorted out, and after a wash & shave , he looked like a semblance of his former well self.

The results came through on Monday 29th June.

A horrible day….for two reasons.

It was a red hot day, sunny, dry, a beautiful english summer day.

I blew the engine on my motorbike on the way home, and had to push it 3 miles home.

Then the call… horrible.. just like a soap opera,

” Hello, I’m afraid they have found something… it’s a tumour…. a brain tumour.”

“Will he die?”

Yes….. I’m afraid so…..”

How long? “

“How long? “

Not long as it turned out, and the next 2 weeks  just flew past in a flurry of hospital visits.

I was lucky really, at least I had the chance to tell him how I felt, what it meant to lose him,and to tell him how much I loved him.

It took absolutely  ages to be even able to think about him without bursting into tears. I was sitting in a pub one day just chatting, and the floods came on, I was so embarassed..blokes dont sit in pubs blarting.

The emotional scars of that summer are still with all of us one way or another.

Time IS a great healer.. well not a healer really, but as the time passes, memories are not so vivid, hurts not so sharp,emotions are tempered with age and understanding, but I still miss him sometimes, even now over 30 years later.

I never thought that I would out live him, and I always thought that he would be around.

I had some great times with my dad, funny, serious, angry.. but I loved him and still do.

I would have given anything to have swapped places with him at that time.

Enjoy your time with your parents, they are precious times that can never come back.

Gone is gone, until the next life?..

1981….. it was a shit year.

My dad 

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2 responses to “My Dad – Reprise and Retrospection

  1. He looked such a handsome man Seadog…It’s hard to lose someone and it must of devastated you all…I know we all should make the most of what we’ve got in life but not everyone has the good fortune of having two parents still be there for you like yours were…Remember how lucky you are to of known them both…Keep all of your memories of the happy times in your heart always 🙂

  2. He was Lynn, a handsome,sophisticated, dapper,brilliant, educated, gentle man of a man, my best friiend at the time, and someone I aspired to be for a long time.
    He was ony 48, with a family of 6 children who doted on him, and vice versa.
    His loss was sudden, tragic and unexpected, and it took years for us all to get over.

    You are right of course, we were lucky to have had both of them, even if for some of us, it was only a short time.
    Memories are all we’ve got now and pictures, until we all meet again
    In my heart always
    xxx

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