The passage of time.. Does it get any easier?

Time – He’s waiting in the wings
He speaks of sensless things
His script is you and me….
Time…. now there’s a thing… friend or foe….
When you are young, time is an unquantifiable thing..
minutes seem like days, christmas never comes….
You get a bit older & all of a sudden days seem like minutes,
and you are left thinking ” where did that go?”
7 years ago today my gran died age 99.
after a short ilness caused by a stroke. She had had a long and eventful life, but time finally caught up with her,
and it was just 6 weeks from admission to final release>
This time 7 years ago, time seemed to stand still,
as we rushed around all the legal departments
getting certificates, and making arrangements
for her funeral.
There was the  sudden realisation
that there was no more time for chats, and laughs, sharing stories, and enjoying each others company.
We had spent most of Christmas in the hospital,visiting my Gran, and supporting my Mum in her visits to the hospital.
That last night we saw her was  Monday 9th January
 and I remember my Mum saying that she
was worried about my gran as she was getting weaker
and more confused and strugglingto breath,
and that she wanted to stay at the hospital longer
as she had a bad feeling about her.
To be honest I agreed, my Gran was going downhill
but because she was such a fighter
I thought she would last the week out
and that she might pass on the Friday.
Mum reluctantly agreed and we went home about 10.30pm….
How wrong can you be?
At 2.30am the hospital phoned my Mum to say that my Gran had inded taken a turn for the worse, and that she needed to get there quickly as she was dying.
How do hospitals and nurses know this?
How many people have received that call
and got to the hospital to find their
loved one gone or just about to go?
Mum called us straight away to let us know,and we got to the hospital about 30 minutes after she had died.
For my Gran it was a release, she was 99, blind in one eye,
very short sighted in the other, doubly incontinent, and pretty much deaf in both ears and had stated that when her time came, she wasn’t afraid of what was coming after,
just the dying part of it, and that
really she was quite ready to go.

Grans Funeral

My Mum spent the rest of her life thinking about my gran,
full of regrets and should have’s and could have’s…..
which is ironic really because that
is just how I feel about my Mum…
If only’s and what if’s??? 
I look back at that Christmas and this time then and think…..
Was that really 7 years go???
Where did those 99 years  of her life go?
Forever in my heart
Till we meet again……
Catherine – My Gran
24.12.1906 – 10.1.2006
99 Years 17 days
I originally published a version of this a few years ago 
and have repeated updated versions every
10th January, in her memory 
She was a formidable woman, but I still miss her.
Does it get any easier as the years go by?
I don’t think it does get easier,the loss of any one close to you is always a huge shock whether they are old or not.
What has happened is that as time has passed,  I have become used to that person not being around any more,
My Dad, My Mum, My Gran, people that I have loved and that have died, as the memories fade, so does the pain,
until it is triggered by a date, a sound, a smell,
or one particular thought that floats in to my mind,
then all those represssed memories come rushing to the surface again, bringing with them that familiar ache of grief,
 and the clock starts ticking until the next event.
Time – friend or foe?
One day I will work it out

7 responses to “The passage of time.. Does it get any easier?

  1. Remember my dear. We can only move forward. It’s what our family members that have gone on before us want. We have to for their sake and ours. We will never forget them. We carry good memories, and bad. We have to be strong in knowing we did everything we could. Though you were not there when she died, you were. In spirit. She was ready to go. I would have been at her age. I don’t want to live like that. We may live longer, but at what cost? There is no better quality of life. If so, then let me go while I’m young and with it. Not when I’m broken and defeated. So my dear time is both, a friend and a foe. We must make sure we use it the best we can.

    Hugs and kisses,
    Sparkly Girl

  2. Those ‘triggers’ will always be there, awaiting only a certain time to detonate. You can honour your loved ones and heal yourself by remembering the good & the love. They wouldn’t want you to continually grive, Nick. Be comforted in the thought that they loved you when they were physically here, & STILL love you & are watching over you. xxxxx

  3. It does get better with time. There are ups and downs, bad days and good ones, grief and happiness, but then the good starts outweighing the bad. Suddenly you feel a little lighter. The days seem a little brighter. Things are getting better. And yes, time flies by now. I blinked and my son is going to high school next year, my baby girl is in first grade. I will blink again and my son will be off on a life of his own. That is what is weighing on me now. Time has passed too quickly and I have spent most of my kids’ lives working.

  4. I like your thoughts, Nick. I remember Dylan Thomas’s poem about not going ‘gently into that good night’, but to ‘rage, RAGE, against the dying of the light’… I think I used to agree, and generally the whole set up of life annoys me – like, why be born to live such a short span of time whole – and then be slowly ravaged by disease, or just old age? And as you spoke to, those still here dearly miss the presence of passed on loved ones, and may have regrets, or unfinished business that could really only be attended to in this physical world. I miss my Dad, although I suspect our relationship would never have improved much. I’m doing my best to be present for my loved ones now. Hang in there! Jerri 🙂

  5. It was my Mum’s birthday on the 24th February, Nick… (She died in 2004)and I respected the day and her by thinking of times past, and conversations remembered. Always we mourn, missing their presence, but we learn to slowly but surely let go, and smile as we remember their lives, marking their time on this Earth as a yardstick for our own lives. Hugs to you my friend. and I’m so glad to be back here, amongst such good friends as yourself,

  6. Time can be your best friend as well as your worst enemy.. Good days pass very fast n only the sweet memories remain to shoulder you during the hard times.. Thats a very pretty pic of your grandma..
    Ive been off WP for a really long time.. Hope you are doing very well.. TC
    Sheena xoxo

  7. Hi Sheena,
    It’s nice to see you back , I wondered where you were:-)
    Thanks for your message It’s a long story really,but I think I’m getting there…well I hope I am!
    Hope all is ok with you too
    Love n hugs

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