What Goes Around….

For My Mum

A-penny-for-those-thoughts

Death is nothing at all

I have only slipped away into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other

That we are still

Call me by my old familiar name

Speak to me in the easy way you always used

Put no difference into your tone

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed

At the little jokes we always enjoyed together

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was

Let it be spoken without effort

Without the ghost of a shadow in it

Life means all that it ever meant

It is the same as it ever was

There is absolute unbroken continuity

What is death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you for an interval

Somewhere very near

Just around the corner

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost

One brief moment and all will be as it was before

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Malaya Slides005

Mum,

 2 years ago today you were taken from us.

Two years on the pain of your loss still hurts. especially today.

R.I.P. my lovely Mum, I miss you so much.

Always in my thoughts, forever in my heart

All my love always

xxxx

a-mothers-smile

Two years later, and I’m back where I was when Mum died.

The same restaurant, the same place, the same people….It’s a tradition here that for anniversaries of a loss of a loved one, you go to a church to offer prayers ( which I haven’t managed to do ) and then get balistically drunk, which I intend to do.

It’s been a strange day, being here, reliving those awful days, especially today, looking at the clock, thinking this time two years ago, she only had x amount of hours / minutes left to live…and knowing now, that I had already seen her for the last time…

Sadness, tears, and a general feeling of loss and grief have been my companions for the last few days.

Time to move on, Mum would have hated it to think that she was spoiling our holiday.. so for today I’m wearing black and I will raise my glass ( more than one! ) to my dear lovely Mum.

Tomorrow is another day…..

With special thanks to Christina who has been through so much more than I have, and come through all those dark times, and Kathy, in whose footsteps I now follow.

Thank you to everyone that has written words of support and kindness.

I can’t tell you how much you’ve all helped and how much  I appreciate your kindess

xxx

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4 responses to “What Goes Around….

  1. Nice post. May the days that follow this one get easier. I wish that for you. I release balloons on the anniversary of my mom’s death. Last November, the 4th year without my mom, I released one in the park where I always go, one at the TaeKwonDo academy where my mom supported my son, one at the gas station where I had the last real conversation with my mom, and the last one at the cemetery. Take care and may your mom’s love and memories live within your heart and mind. Kathy

  2. Thank you Kathy, thank you for your kind words and for your support, and helping to lead me from the dark and into the light.
    It’s a long hard road, but your words have helped, knowing that I’m not the only one who has these bouts of deep feelings has helped so much.
    Sometimes reading your entries is almost as though I had written them.
    That’s a really lovely tribute to your mum 🙂
    Love n hugs always xxx

  3. Hi Nick, It’s so hard to comment on someone’s pain after losing one so close to your heart, all I can say is remember her with fondness like I do my baby Granddaughter and I hope my young one can’t feel how much my heart is breaking without her here with me. I’m positive life doesn’t end but begins anew and she no longer feels the pain which we suffer from day to day. On the night Danikka passed away a huge amount of Chinese lanterns were set off and a note written on them from each person was drifted off into the skies, they really made me feel like she was on the other side awaiting them and it was a lovely thing to witness. Even Jesus wept so we’re just responding to how much our heart feels without them…A hug and I’ll raise my glass in honour of your Mum 😀

    • Ahh thank you so much Lynn, I’ll raise a glass with you. That is such a lovely tribute to Danika, it must have been beautiful to watch.
      Thanks for all your kind words and support, it’s friends like you that have helped me through these last 2 years.
      Love n hugs and all my love xxx

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