Monthly Archives: January 2012


28 Weeks and the end of a lifetime.

28 weeks, how life has changed, The rock has gone, the steel,the heart replaced by loss, uncertainty and sorrow. I knew your loss would hurt mum, But I didn’t think it would be this intense. The house is sold now, … Continue reading


The End of an Era

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The End of an Era I got some news today… News that I’ve been waiting patiently for the last 3 months, and that News is that Mum’s will has finally been passed by Probate. This is good, as it means … Continue reading


26 Weeks

This time, Thursday night,26 weeks ago I was in a restaurant in Kos, picking at a fabulous dinner that I could hardly stomach, worried about what time I was going to get home the next morning, and should I go straight to the hospital … Continue reading

Happy New Year

Another Year gone.. and thank God it has … 2011 has been the worst year of my life, and New Years Eve was topped off by me getting a severe bout of ” Man Flu ” which started to come on Friday.

This lovely final gift from 2011 knocked me right up in the air, well on the floor actually, and I didn’t get further than the settee downstairs, where at least it was warm, and the TV was on. I might have been ill, but we have to get our priorities right 🙂 …and that’s where I stayed.

We were going out last night with friends to not celebrate really, but to hasten the passing of this shitty year, a meal in a nice restaurant, plenty of drinks, followed by a raucous and roistery time dancing away with MTV dance party until 3 or 4 am…..well that went out of the window,I couldn’t keep awake, every bone in my body was aching, and I was feeling a bit pukey, so my Mrs. went with our friends ( and had a very nice time 😦 ) . They all got back about, just in time to open a bottle of our finest white fizz, and to see in the New Year…

It’s also the first time in probably 35 years that I haven’t woken up on New Years Day still drunk from the night before, though to be honest, I feel worse now than if I had been on the piss all night…at least with the hangover it goes quite quickly, this is hanging about far too long

We are supposed to be having turkey tonight- I’ve been looking forward to this all Christmas, as she cooks a real fine bird- but the way I feel right now, it’s going to be a cup of tea & bed. I need to be fit for tomorrow to go to the football, and the last thing I want to be doing is feeling like this, so wish me luck folks 🙂

My life threatening ( feeling like I was going to die ) condition, took away the emotion of the night, first one since mum died etc, and it wasn’t too bad really. Perhaps acceptance has finally started to sink in… Though sometimes I really do miss her, so much. At least I can talk about her without wanting to burst into tears now, but instead of that feeling of disabilitating grief, I now have this feeling of numbness that seems to have replaced most of the other emotions in my life right now.

If I was asked to do a ” review ” of 2011, it would be all about the hopes that we had this time last year, that Mums operation would cure her and give her a better quality of life, the worries when Mum was rushed in to hospital, the prayers that she would actually survive the operation, and the relief and joy when she did, to the concerns as her health, mentally and physically started to take a downturn, to the totally utterly devastating loss and grief when she died while were away on holiday. After July 14th everything else has been in a haze, done through repetiton and necessity, rather than for enjoyment.

My wife says something died in me that day mum died, a spark of life that has yet to return… if it ever does.

I hope you all had a better New Year than I did, and that for everyone, 2012 brings all that they want, and that it’s a better year than this last one, a year that I will never forget as long as live.

2011…. Good riddance I say, roll on 2012