8 Weeks

8 weeks now, to the day, since my mum died.

 

8.15pm Thursday 14^th July 2011.

 

And during those 8 weeks there isn’t a day when I haven’t cried… sometimes only a little bit, sometimes floods and floods of inconsolable tears of grief and longing to see her again, feel her touch or hear her voice for real just one last time.

 

I’ve been thinking about her all the time – in fact I can’t stop thinking about her, her last days at home on her own.

Did she know we weren’t there and did she miss us…. I was always there for her when she needed me, and vice versa, but at THE time when she really really needed me, I was 3000 miles away. I hope she didn’t think that I had deserted her in her time of need…..I miss her so so much… If only, if only…..

 

However

Life goes on… sometimes whether we like it or not, and now we have to face the practicalities of  life without her.

She has a 5 bedroom house which has got to be sold. It’s full of things, things that were her life for 80+ years, which all need to be cleared out so that the house can be sold – I would buy it if I could, but sadly it is well out of my price range.

There are things there from my Dad, from my Dads mum, from my Mums mum, indeed things from all our lives.

Our family has lived there since 1964 approximately, now it’ s got to go. We will try to split some of the things up between us, but things like clothes, shoes, blankets, crockery and cutlery, will all have to go…. to “ the “ charity shop.

Eveything else that we cant take / don’t want and that doesn’t go to “ the “ charity shop will have to be disposed of…. I can’t bear to think of my mums life and her possessions being thrown away in a skip like her life meant nothing. She was MY MUM / our mum, there has got to be some sensitivity here. She was a formidable woman who left her mark on so many people and places, soon to be just memories in our minds.

This is going to cause arguments, I can understand the logic, but I can’t be part of it. It will be almost as bad a losing mum again…….I’m afraid that part of this process  I’m going to have to leave to other members of my family.

Time to say goodbye…

 

 We’ve finally arranged for her internment, along with my Dad, and my Gran – Mums mum – on the 19th of September at 12.00. The plot is picked, arrangements made, let’s hope for some nice weather, so that they can be laid to rest in the sunshine… they would all have liked that.

This coming Monday (12 th September ) is her birthday.

She would have been 81 if she had made it.

 

Forever in my heart and my thoughts

My Mum.. All my love always xxxx